But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. http://bible.us/Rom3.24.MSG
I was restless all night. All I felt was the condemnation. I criticized myself and others. I was frustrated. I thought of how frustrated Elijah was when he shouted in the wilderness, "I wanna die!" Then God guided him. I told him to direct me. I needed to be convicted by the Holy Spirit of something. I knew that I wasn't a god and that I cannot continue to condemn myself. But what was the conviction? What needed to be changed? And how?
"Give away your desk," was all what He said. I argue at first. It was crazy. I needed to finish preparing for the workshop I was going to teach. I needed it to work effectively. I wasn't supposed to feel guilty for taking up such a small space when it seemed fair according to my measurement. Afterall, my roommates had their portions of space.
"Do you trust me?" I suddenly realized that I was trying to work for Him myself rather than obeying. I was a "working dog" titled in Ecclesiastes 4 (MSG), indeed. Thus I responded by getting off my bed at midnight to get my stuff out and carry my desk out quickly. Firstly, I knew that I couldn't sleep without acting. Secondly, I knew that I may hesitate again in the morning.
The disciples also had to give up their homes and careers to follow Jesus without understanding why they had to. Mary poured the expensive perfume on Jesus' feet, she probably had no clue about His death or how soon it will be. Judas is the exceptional, he criticized Mary for giving away her perfume. He later clinged to the money bag, which led him to betray Jesus. I believe that somewhere along the way, he heard the conviction but he reasoned with himself because that conviction didn't make sense to him. He forgot why he was following Jesus in the first place.
We may either cling to something or give something away to cling to Jesus.