"What do you mean, 'boundaries'?" the father asked.
"Look at it this way. It is as if he is your neighbor, who never waters his lawn. But, whenever you turn on your sprinkler system, the water falls on his lawn. Your grass is turning brown and dying, but Bill looks down at his green grass and thinks to himself, 'My yard is doing fine.' That is how your son's life is. He doesn't study, or plan, or work, yet he has a nice place to live, plenty of money, and all the rights of a family member who is doing his part.
"If you would define the property lines a little better, if you would fix the sprinkler system so that the water would fall on your lawn, and if he didn't water his own lawn, he would have to live in dirt. He might not like that after a while.
"As it stands now, he is irresponsible and happy, and you are responsible and miserable. A little boundary clarification would do the trick. You need some fences to keep his problems out of your yard and in his, where they belong."
"Isn't that a bit cruel, just to stop helping like that?" the father asked.
"Has helping him helped?" I asked.
His look told me that he was beginning to understand.
-Boundaries, Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
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